Dreams…….

Today I awoke in a moody-sad-reflective-homesick-lonely-thinking about everything, crying about nothing-  kinda mood.

You know that {you had a strange dream last night so you wake up mad at your husband} mood.

Its a beautiful day out, I love my family and Jesus is in my heart so the mood wont last thankfully.  But for now I thought I would turn on my favorite southern gospel music and share my thoughts with you.  So as I write Doyle Lawson and Quicksilver are playing in the back ground, up next is Jeff and Sheri Easter and then the Gaithers…

Thought #1 :  I am not a dreamer

Im not. Its true. Im a realist.  If it happens, it happens. Im not going to sit around daydreaming about something Im not even sure will happen anyway. Seems like a waste of time and emotion.   Well maybe not completely. If I were completely honest I would consider my self a secret dreamer.  Secretly making plans, dreaming, hoping, praying, begging God.  But never voicing those thought to anyone else.  Its self preservation.  Plain and simple.

What if the things I hoped for never happen.  Those that I shared with, dared to voice my secret dreams to, would just laugh and say “I told you so”    No, its easier just to keep them to myself.

However………….

Ive also never been one to follow a rule hard and fast.  So I have allowed myself to hope and dream about a couple of things and today Im beating myself up for it.  I hate that.  Both, that I let myself hope and that I feel like I shouldn’t have.  Whats wrong with a little hope…

Thought #2 :  My husband and My father

I told myself I would never marry a man like my father.  Oh dont get me wrong my dad is pretty awesome.  But his one flaw in my eyes is also the one that scares me the most.

Little did I know my husband also has this one character flaw.

Wonder-lust.  Dreamers, idealist, thinkers, fantasizers, day dreamers, what ever you want to call it, they got it.   They are not the type to sit around and waste any time.. never letting the grass grow under their feet, but even while busy they are thinking, planning, hoping,.. dreaming.  ( I bet you didn’t know that about my dad… he likes to hide it and may not even admit it.. but its there)

Again, don’t get me wrong; I’m up for any adventure. Willing to go just about anywhere, do anything at least once, take a chance and all that.   But only if there’s a safety net.  The risk must be calculated and in the end I {and those i love} must be safe.

As Chris approaches his 20yr anniversary in the Coast Guard we are having lots of discussions about what to do next.  I am terrified.  The Coast Guard has been my safety net for the last 10yrs.

As of 11pm last night Chris had decided that at sometime about 25yrs in the CG he would retire and we would move back to Alaska and he will work for the railroad. ( he still hasn’t given up that  boyhood dream of being a train engineer, and I love that about him, even if it scares me )  After doing that for 20 or so years he will retire and begin his 3rd career and his dream job of owning his own cigar shop.

I often wonder.. can you trust and worry at the same time?

Meanwhile.. life swirls around me

.. and I love it.  I am so very blessed with a wonderful husband and a super amazing son.  I love our life together.  I dont think I say that enough.  At the moment we are getting things settled for a trip up to Mt Hood with some dear friends.  In honor of that and the gorgeous sunshine I have declared the rest of this week and all of next Spring Break!  Caleb is a little excited about that :p

Its only 1130am and hes already played outside for a couple of hours, played video games, read books, played with Crash, and ate and ate and then had a snack!  I guess I should also tell you that hes only been up since 930 🙂

Speaking of Caleb.. did you know hes a scientist?

Well kinda.. he participated in the Science Fair at our home school co-op.  Even received a 1st place ribbon for his efforts.  Hes ecstatic!  Here’s a picture of his board:

You can see the pictures we uses and a few more here

and this is what the papers say:

science project

And  close up of his ribbon!  🙂

Caleb and Crash have been loving the sunshiny weather lately, spending most of their time outside.  On Monday Caleb found a new friend.

He spent almost an hour watching and talking to this caterpillar.

He thought it was great… Crash not so much.  He wanted his friend back. And was super happy to curl up the couch with him and rest later that day.

See Im feeling better already… And Im hungry.   So Im off to make some juice.

Oh yeah I forgot to tell you about that….. I survived a 3 day juice fast.  I know not as impressive as some.  But thats ok.  I feel cleansed from the gluten and ready to live gluten free… well maybe gluten- not so often.   I plan to keep up the juicing for at least one meal a day, but trying for 2, for a while.

Heres a couple of pictures from the first day.

and this is what it looked like after:

It was yummy.  As you saw in the first picture it has lots of fruit and a little veggies… Im trying to work on that.  But I like the sweetness that the fruit adds 🙂

Ok so now Im off !   Thanks for letting me share 🙂

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